What Elton John lacks in hair…

It took me a really long time to realize that Elton John was gay.  It wasn’t at all like realizing that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, but I want to make that comparison anyway.  I guess because I love Elton John.  Not in a childlike, deer-eyed way, but in a mature, jaded way. 

Elton’s been on my mind lately.  Mostly because I just realized that he wears a toupee.  I don’t know why I’m so far behind on my Elton realizations…  But also I’ve been listening to him.  Reminiscing about him.  When I was younger, if I was driving with my parents, I would get uncomfortable when “I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues” came on the radio, because it goes like,

And I guess that’s why
They call it the blues
Time on my hands
Could be time spent with you
Laughing like children
Living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that’s why
They call it the blues

Whoa!  How can you not enjoy that as a chorus?  Children, lovers, blues.  Those are my favorite things right there.  Except for children.

Bernie Taupin there is to thank for those lyrics.  What a stud, right?  He pulls off that hair and sort-of turtleneck exceedingly well.  It’s nuts.

In conclusion, Elton John’s hilarious.  Lady Gaga should wear some of his outfits from the early 80s.  Particularly his glasses.  And also, I suppose, some of his wigs from right now.

One last thing.  This “I Want Love” song has always done it for me.  It’s dark.  Yet hopeful.  And Robert Downey, Jr. is in this video, which just may have started my love affair with him.  This video would also make an interesting thesis.  One could write all about love, sex, and attractive men who are empty inside like a marble-floored mansion.  But they’ve still got those chandeliers waiting to be lit in the foyer of their heart and the ballroom of their loins:

Sex, Love, and Oatmeal

This one time, I worked at a law firm. All I did was photocopy and file Elvis Presley music copyright documents. For hours. It’s pretty mind-numbing. And then all of a sudden you see Johnny Cash’s signature and you’re like, “That’s cool.” And then you go back to fixing the paper jam.

I was listening to Etta James’ “I Just Wanna Make Love to You” on YouTube when I found this awkward Elvis fan video:

My favorite part is at 1:25 when there are TWO replays of him catching a pair of panties. We humans are a horny bunch.

Speaking of horny bunches, I was catching up with a friend online who I met years ago in a college dorm room. I don’t really know why we talk to each other, except that a few drinks in I told him that I read his blog. And we’ve just talked ever since. See? Keep a blog, make friends.

We were talking about sex, love, and happiness, and how sometimes, or often, those three things go hand in hand…or, you know….other things in other things. I have absolutely nothing profound, funny, or interesting to say about love, but my friend did:

Somewhere deep down in my dark twisted soul, I’m a romantic. Underneath all the science, atheist books, and gigabytes of porn, I can appreciate love for what it is.

I really like it. I could be wrong, but I feel like those are two sentences that most people could change a few of the adjectives and nouns to make it sum up their general feeling, too. For insance, Elvis Presley’s might read something like:

Somewhere deep down in my pelvic thrust of a soul, I’m a romantic. Underneath that weird lip thing I do, the rhinestone-laden leather jumpsuits I wear, and the terribly depressing way I will die on my bathroom floor, I can appreciate love for what it is.

And now, for no reason in particular, I will speculate on how the man on the boxes of Quaker Oatmeal would adapt those two sentences. Wikipedia says, “It is popularly believed that the man on the box is Province of Pennsylvania founder, namesake and Quaker William Penn. The company states that ‘The Quaker man is not an actual person,’ but is instead a generic representation of a ‘man dressed in Quaker garb.’” Mysterious. I’m not sure I buy it.

Somewhere deep down in my pedophiliac leer, I’m a romantic. Underneath the illegal paraphernalia I store within my billows of white locks and underneath my traditional black cap, I can appreciate love for what it is.

He creeps me out.

Watch Me Tonight?

I’m glad the movie musical is making a comeback, but let’s get back to its roots.  I’m not talking Mamma Mia.  There will be no singing Pierce Brosnan in the film I’m referring to.  Forget Hairspray.  You will not be seeing Ricki Lake dancing or John Travolta in a dress.  Step away from all that 21^st Century silliness, and into Golden Age Hollywood. 

Okay, Love Me Tonight from 1932 is still pretty silly, but in a completely heartwarming, timeless, black & white film kind of way.  It comes from director Rouben Mamoulian who went on to direct the first Broadway runs of Oklahoma!, Porgy and Bess, and Carousel.  In Love Me Tonight, with French hottie Maurice Chevalier and blonde beauty Jeanette MacDonald, Mamoulian sets out to satirize the beloved movie musical.  The writers didn’t even bother coming up with different first names for Maurice and Jeanette.  And apparently no one told Jeanette that the whole bit was a spoof because you can just tell she’s taking the whole thing quite seriously. 

Maurice plays a Parisian tailor and Jeanette a princess.  The film is a fairy tale of sorts, making it easy to get swept away.  Maurice ends up at Jeanette’s castle after getting ripped off by her cousin.  And that’s when the whole mistaken identity thing begins.  Suddenly all the important people take Maurice the tailor for Maurice the baron.  So he sings and dances and they all fall in love with him, including prissy princess Jeanette.  A pretty run of the mill fairy tale, but it’s the songs by Rodgers and Hart that really wow, along with the performances by supporting actors Myrna Loy (her first “non-exotic” role) and comedian Charles Ruggles.  Be sure to watch out for Ruggles talking about his “flute” and dancing with 1 pound dumbbells.     

Reasons to watch: Mamoulian was one of the most innovative directors of his time.  You know how musicals integrate songs into the storyline so you don’t just have a random performance that’s really an excuse for men to stare at some pretty lady sing?  Yeah, that was Mamoulian.  He also said, hey, we should make the camera move and we should use more than one microphone.  Which are obviously terrible ideas.

Warnings: You will likely have the songs “Mimi” and “Isn’t It Romantic” stuck in your head for days, if not weeks.  Also, this film gets pretty risqué for the Hays Code era (see Will Hays left).  Not sure how Maurice taking a tape measure to Jeanette’s boobies got past the censors, but I’m not complaining!  They also end up in bed together via split screen action. 

Who to watch with: Well, I watched Love Me Tonight alone, but that’s just because I’m a terribly lonely woman who can’t find anyone to love and would rather spend the evening on the couch with her cats.  But in your case, watch it with a sense of humor and a lover.  Watch it with a deep appreciation for French men and silly situations.  If you can find a French man watch it with him.  If you do not know any French men, you can always put an ad out on Craigslist. 

Who not to watch with: Frat boys or anyone who takes themselves too seriously.  Or, on second thought, do watch it with them.  If any movie can free them from their “I’m too cool for movie musicals” delusions it’s Love Me Tonight. 

Melvil Dewey love

I started a blog instead of applying for jobs.  I recently left a job at the Library of Congress.  Looking for a job in another library or a bookstore or a movie theater or none of the above.  In the mean time, I have time on my hands.  Case in point: here’s a picture of the inventor of the Dewey Decimal System:

My name is Maribeth.  I look like Melvil only slightly more youthful and hairy.  I’ll be posting movie reviews, poems, and updates on my job search and hair removal efforts (among other things). 

See you in the stacks, G.