The Things We Do For Love

Oh snap!

Oh snap!

Imagine one of these billboards placed in, say, Effingham, Illinois right next to the world’s biggest:

I saw multiple giant crosses while driving from Massachusetts to Arizona a couple years ago, and the sight never got less alarming.  It’s like…highway, highway, tractor trailer truck, highway, blinding sun, and BAM! GIANT CROSS!  My friend and I had this game going.  First person to see a cactus was entitled to a free beer.  First person to see a free range buffalo: beer.  His ideas were all things from nature, while mine were things like, first person to see a giant, tacky thing on top of a building:

It’s a great game because no one really loses.  But yeah, had I realized that there was such an abundance of giant crosses in Middle America…that would have definitely been one of my road trip drinking game items. 

It’s funny because…that Darwin billboard was one of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning.  (I roll over, open up my phone, check my e-mail, lament that I’ve received no e-mails, and then I click on random links provided by my mobile browser.)  So I was like, WOW!  Religious people are gonna freak!  Then, my mom calls a little while ago and is like, “I found this poetry contest you WILL enter.”  (She means business.)  Then she adds, “If you want to.”  She goes on to explain that it’s sponsored by the Christian Poets Guild…  This so-called guild doesn’t seem to have a website, it just seems to advertise its poetry contests in small newspapers around the country, such as “The Eagle” out of Byron, TX, the “Hot Springs Village Voice” out of Arkansas, and my very own “Pennysaver” out of Western Massachusetts.   

So this is suspicious.  She’s suggested this contest to me before and I’ve always been like, “Yes, I’ll look into it,” when really I’m thinking, “Praise Darwin.”  …Then Mom tells me that I can enter online at  Moms don’t tend to know these things, but a web address like that is highly questionable!  It’s usually smart to avoid any URL with “free” or “contest” in it, and this one has both.  If you’re brave enough to click the link, you’ll see that this contest in no way looks legit.  My mom was so excited about it, though, that I might risk having my identity stolen or being sold into sex trafficking just to make her happy…

10 responses to “The Things We Do For Love

  1. Today is Charles Darwin’s 200th birthday. Abe Lincoln also would have been 200 today. About your drinking game… I wish I had known it was for the first and not for every cross, cactus, or tacky thingie on a roof. I drank for every one of those things. That version is not advised while driving.

  2. Ahmnodt, I’m about to go on a rampage. Prepare yourself by finding some cacti and taking some drinks.

    CHARLES DARWIN QUOTE OF THE (BIRTH)DAY in honor of the momentous occasion:

    “When he [Darwin] invited Charles Lyell and his wife to visit his home, he added that he would show them his pigeons, ‘the great treat, in my opinion, which can be offered to [a] human being.’ He told his friend that he would kill the birds, remove and preserve the skeletons, and study their inner anatomy. But in a letter dated just a few days later, Darwin admitted to another friend, ‘I am getting on with my Pigeon Fancy & now have pairs of nine very distinct varieties, & I love them to that extent that I cannot bear to kill & skeletonise them.”

    SEE? My love for pigeons is rarely understood, but just read this:

    “Darwin was smitten with his pigeons, but his interest in them was not just sentimental: Pigeons were to become a crucial, if unlikely, crux in the argument he had been working on for years. He was busy putting together a mass of facts and arguments that would eventually become his celebrated book On the Origin of Species, a book that would overturn scientific convention and cause massive change in science, culture, and society.”

    Case closed. Praise Pigeons. Praise Darwin.

    Oh, quotes from Superdove: How the Pigeon Took Manhattan…And the World by Courtney Humphries.

  3. Very funny post Madame Librarian. Well done. Don’t see a lot of giant crosses in my neck of the woods. And honestly, if I was driving down the highway and saw a bunch of them in the distance, I’d be inclined to turn around immediately.

    Again, very nice post. Good luck with the contest. Appears legit to me and I plan to enter…so prepare for some competition (as soon as I can figure out a word that rhymes with Cheez Whiz)

  4. by the way, in the spirit of the day

    you can upload a picture and devolve yourself

  5. Ram, thanks for the link! Looks like you’ll be busy between this contest and the Win a Dream Date with Ram.

    randy, glad you commented again. Your blog reminds me to be literary. (I forget sometimes.)

  6. I am honored you choose my picture for this glorious post. I hope you noticed that below the giant cross are people carrying other crosses that themselves are rather sizable.

  7. Michael, thank you for providing the picture! I didn’t notice the people carrying crosses–that’s amazing.

  8. Hey…just wondering if you found any of those crosses in Texas? I’d like to photograph them!

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