Cheese Balls

utz

"What could possibly have possessed you to place Tom Hanks' head next to a barrel of Cheese Balls?"

( I wanted to convey the relative size of the barrel, and Tom Hanks’ head seemed as good as any to do that.)  I’ve decided that Utz Potato Chips and Snacks are my favorite.  They remind me of fishing trips in the spring.  Half the time I’d just sit in the minivan rummaging through the cooler that did not contain the recently killed things wrapped in tin foil.  But I digress.  My barrel of Cheese Balls is 3/4 empty only 1/4 full.  It’s a sad day.  I fear my sodium intake might stay below 300% the recommended daily allowance.

It’s also a sad day because, along the same lines as the 2am ringing pay phone, I’m tired of finding exciting opportunities on  Craigslist, only to have these directors, producers, musicians write back saying, “Here are directions to my apartment.”  If you’re a sane, fully functioning human being, what are you doing inviting strangers to your apartment?  I only do that when I’ve been drinking.  Assuming these directors, producers, musicians do not intend to rape and kill the people they invite over for auditions, aren’t they worried that instead of the obviously awesome author of Madame Librarian’s blog, they will open the door and instead find…

Either Travis the Chimp or Sandra Herold?

Either Travis the Chimp or Sandra Herold?

Either Gary Busey or this chimp?

Either Gary Busey or this chimp?

 

I ran out of chimps, so heres a wolf.

I ran out of chimps, so here's a wolf.

2 responses to “Cheese Balls

  1. You’re too jaded.

    They don’t want you in their apartments to necessarily kill or rape you, they likely just want some form of consentual molestation/degradation in exchange for the empty promise of furthering your performing career. You know, like Cocoa in Fame.

    Sounds like someone has trust issues.

  2. I don’t know what this says about me, but… I want to know more about Gary and that chimp! Do they bathe together? Does his furry buddy brush his hair? Good thing Gary’s not on any meds and has the foresight not to give his hairy pal any tea with Xanax in it.

    Bonus Buseyism, just for you:
    C.H.I.M.P. – Can’t Help It, Must Poop

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