Monthly Archives: April 2009

If I Could I Would, But I Don’t Know How

It takes a certain kind of mood…introspective, confused, and a little hungover…to inspire me to listen to the same song over and over again. And even then, it must mesh with the mood perfectly. Today, for me, that song is this interesting combination of Phish and Allison Krauss:

That’s all. There’s a bottle of wine atop the refrigerator with my name on it. Also, there was a dramatic sunset in New York City tonight and the skyline never struck me as so beautiful.

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Testosterone Not Included

I was away from New York City for four days, and so much changed during my sojourn.  When I opened the door to my apartment around midnight last night, there was a giant man standing there.  After my eyes adjusted a little, though, I realized it wasn’t a man–just an oversized lamp in the shape of a man.  It’s kind of reminiscent of this:

…only it’s a man. 

I guess that’s the only real change.

Today’s my birthday, but I just wanna talk about dictators.

I think about Kim Jong-Il fairly often, and I’m not sure why.  He strikes me as a really tragic man: his angry little frame, his angry little outfit, his beady, dark eyes.  There’s something so bizarre about him.  Well, about all dictators.  And the way the West talks about them–with this air of superiority (as in Parade Magazine’s annual feature “The World’s Worst Dictators“).  We denounce their human rights violations and we pity their oppressed people.  We shake our heads, sigh, and vaguely acknowledge our good fortune to live in not that country.  We realize we don’t even really know what that disease is that people are dying of in Zimbabwe, but we think our great-great grandmother might’ve also died from it. 

On one extreme we do nothing.   Or, on the other, we capture the dictator, imprison him, send him to his death, and “liberate” his people.  (“We,” “them,” and “him” used loosely.) 

…I was reading a Sherman Alexie poem earlier today in which he writes, “Poetry = Anger x Imagination.”  It seems an apt equation.  Ways to channel anger, sort through anger are pretty vital to mental health.  Otherwise you end up sending ballistic missiles into the Pacific Ocean (so to speak).

Oh!  I just remembered why I began writing this post.  To recommend Poets.org’s Poem-A-Day emails in honor of April, National Poetry Month.  I especially like when they send ones that don’t suck.

Have Your Cake and Have Your Way With It, Too.

I’m gearing up for a joint birthday party tomorrow night.  Mine and my arborist friend’s, to be specific.  It’s not really a party.  It’s just me at the bar I always go to joined by more people I know than usual. 

Today I visited the 99 Cent store next to the strip club in my neighborhood.  Stocked up on balloons and streamers.  Now I just need an embarrassing cake.  Ideally I would like this one:

That thing is pimp, right?  Hershey Kisses on the bottom.  Ivy made out of GUMMIES?  Genius.

Speaking of genius:

Yes. Yes, I would like a piece of that.

This one, though, takes the figurative and literal cake:

TOM SELLECK!!!!!

TOM SELLECK!!!!!

And this would be the last resort:

An April Fool’s Apology of Sorts

Today is an odd occasion.  So much so that something unprecedented happened: I woke up and thought, “Hmm…maybe I’ll write something in that blog I seem to remember having.” 

I could blame the lack of updating on laziness, the nearness of Spring, or on the people who neglect to take the lint off of the dryer lint trap.  Instead, I will blame it on an impromptu list of people/places/things beginning with the letter D that all may or may not relate to the current economic crisis.

1. Daylight Savings Time–A couple weekends ago you stole an hour from me.  I don’t care if you plan to give it back. 

2. Dinners, Potluck–I love buffet-style eating.  I love when friends, families, church congregations, and communities come together to dine off of paper plates.

Still, it's partly this bastard's fault.

3. Danny Bonaduce

Stop giving redheads a bad name.

Stop giving redheads a bad name.

4. Dexia–The Belgian-French financial institution that I saw in the Wikipedia article on “economic crisis.”  Its own Wikipedia article says, “In February 2009 the bank announced net losses of 3.3 billion euros (approximately 4.2 billion US dollars) for 2008.”  How could it not be Dexia’s fault?

5. Dunkin Donuts–Their new commercial presents eating donuts as a solution for your children’s mindless television watching, which they imply puts a wedge in your family.  Also, their whole “You ‘kin do it” slogan is not funny.  And, they’re offering six donuts for $3 for a limited time–small price to pay to avoid the possibility of having a body like Danny Bonaduce’s, but still–I will never forgive them for using Rachael Ray in their campaign that one time.

6. Mourning Doves–They wish they were as blameless as pigeons.

7.  “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.”

and last and most heinous of all:

8. All passengers on the D Train: