*That’s a mighty claim, Andrew Lloyd Webber…
Yesterday I went to the Salvation Army. My plan was to buy a coffee table. The thing that’s so great about thrift stores like the Army, though, is that you never know what you’re going to find. For instance, in the electronics department I found these:
TWO televisions simultaneously playing “Cats”, paired with one television playing J. Lo and Matthew McConaughey’s “The Wedding Planner”. These three screens distracted my attention for at least five minutes. (Five of the best minutes of my life.)
In the end, I didn’t go home with a coffee table. Nor did I go home with a TV or a VHS copy of “The Wedding Planner”. (I already own it on DVD.) Instead, I went home with a pair of rollerblades and a plaid shirt that was in the men’s department even though it’s clearly a woman’s shirt.
Updates on future failed attempts to purchase a coffee table to follow. I wrote a poem about a coffee table when I was in college. It was just a list of stuff that had been left on the one in my dorm room after a particularly drunken weekend.
Poets are so pretentious.
Please experience 3:00: