Makeshift clothing

I don’t have a lot of pet peeves, but one of them, as I’ve written about before, is when my newspaper has American Apparel advertisements on the back cover.  American Apparel ads, for the most part, feature nearly naked girls.  They’re wearing the brand’s latest leggings or lace unitard and nothing else.  Which is decidedly provocative to look at.  And I usually read the newspaper on the subway, so I don’t feel comfortable contributing to the man across the aisle from me getting excited because of the thing I’m unwittingly holding up for him and all to see.  And I shouldn’t have to contribute to the man across the aisle from me getting excited!  It’s such a helpless feeling.  It makes me feel like a pawn in whatever sick game American Apparel and the man behind the company, Dov Charney, is playing.  Dov Charney, I DON’T WANT TO PLAY:

And I don't think girl in flesh-colored unitard does either.

So this week, when I picked up the latest Village Voice (which has a great feature about nitrous), I decided to be proactive.  Because I turned the newspaper over, and sure enough, there was a girl in some strange white lace panty get-up and nothing else.  It looks like something a 17-year-old girl would be forced to wear on the night of her arranged wedding.  So, I looked at the naked girl.  And I looked at the granny smith apple I’d just bought at 7-11, and I had an ah-ha moment:

It was so satisfying!  It felt like playing paper dolls as a child (which actually wasn’t all that popular when I was young and I never got a chance to do). 

An interesting development happened when I took the newspaper back to the office with me, though.  I left the newspaper on top of a microwave in the break room, newly clothed girl facing up, went about my business, and then forgot to grab the newspaper when I was heading back to my desk.  I kid you not, I got halfway down a hallway before I remembered, then turned back, and when I got back to the break room, not five minutes later, a male coworker of mine had ALREADY REMOVED THE GIRL’S STICKER SHIRT!  And she was naked for the world to see again!  I know it’s silly of me to post the very thing I’m so upset about being forced to hold up on the back of a newspaper, but I think it’s worthwhile to provide a visual of how naked she is:

Quite naked.

So there.  Upon picking up the newspaper again, I gasped, and I said, “Did someone take the apple sticker off of this girl?”  And my coworker said, yeah, sorry, and it was totally just like he was having a conversation and wanted to have something to fiddle with and not like he was trying to undress a two dimensional girl, but you know.  Subconsciously

And I also realize that I’ve devoted a whole post to a company whose ads bother me and in turn created a whole new accidental indirect advertisement for them.  But whatever.  I really liked covering her up with that apple sticker.  That’s all I wanted to say.

5 responses to “Makeshift clothing

  1. It ended up being kinda like Colorforms instead of a paper doll.

    Man, do I miss Colorforms. And Shrinky-Dinks.

    And for some reason, I find myself thinking about Underoos…

  2. I think you should submit your sticker-covered lady to the MOMA.
    I’m only like 25% joking. It has so many meanings and its provocative to look at.

  3. The message I got from seeing both the original version and your version is that she looks malnourished and I should feed her an apple.

  4. Hey, it’s not just me! Isn’t it weird that they make it annoying and insulting to the demographic that they’re advertising to? I wanted to find a non hyper-sexualised image of one of their organic t-shirt dresses. No go.

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