Fear mongering!

My aunt forwarded an e-mail to me–the subject line said: FW: SAFETY: WATER & EGGS: LADIES, PLEASE, PLEASE READ

I get a lot of forwarded e-mails like this from my aunt, but the ones offering safety tips to women are usually pretty good.  One of the previous ones was about a young woman who was driving and what appeared to be an unmarked police car pulled up behind her and prompted her to pull over by putting a flashing red light on the roof.  Only (and this is how most of these e-mails end) it was a BAD MAN WHO WAS GOING TO TAKE HER IN THE WOODS AND RAPE ‘ER!

This latest subject line threw me for a loop, though.  I saw water and eggs and I assumed it was going to be something related to food safety.  Like, ladies, don’t eat eggs more than twice a week or your uterus will implode!  And, be sure to drink eight ounces of water after having vaginal intercourse or your uterus will implode!  Something like that.

Only it ended up being another RAPE IN THE WOODS warning!!  It warned: Ladies, if you’re driving in your vehicle (rapists like to target women who can drive I guess) and your windshield gets hit by AN EGG, do NOT put on your wipers and try to clean it with wiper fluid.  Because apparently this turns the whole things into a milky, non-transparent mess and you will be forced to pull over where, you guessed it, you’ll be met by a BAD MAN WHO WILL TAKE YOU IN THE WOODS AND RAPE YA’!

Whoa.  Serious stuff.  There was one other warning in the e-mail.  This one was very similar.  It said that if you see a fake baby inside of a car seat but you mistake it for a real baby on the side of the road or maybe it even is a real baby, don’t pull over and check on it because BAD MAN! WOODS! RAPE!

Apparently the baby thing is a problem in the Detroit area.  And it hinted to not only rape, but beatings and death.  So to all my female Detroit readers, consider yourself warned. 

Also, be sure to forward this blog post to 10 people or something bad will happen.  xoxox

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5 responses to “Fear mongering!

  1. You’re very clever in your style. I think we’ve all had e-mails of this sort of nature; however, as I am not a woman I’ve never been warned of potentially having my uterus implode. haha.

    I’ll gladly be subscribing to this blog :).

    – Alden Snow.

  2. Anothrt thing to watch out for in Detroit – car seats full of eggs on the side of the road.

    I once stopped to check out if there were Grade A, or maybe uncolored Easter Eggs, and someone robbed me of my Grey Poupon.

    The thing is – all they had to do was ask.

    • madamelibrarian

      Haaaa. Confession: I eat eggs nearly every day for breakfast. I guess there are worse things. Like getting raped in Detroit for one.

  3. I, for one, feel safer already. Thanks for sharing that sage advice. (I guess I’m in really good shape since I don’t know how to drive?)

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