Oh, hey! It’s the last day of January!! I’m not usually awake at this hour, but my roommate got a job and to celebrate we did what all employed people do–drank, danced, debauchered. I scored a business card from a man named Angelo who is likely not the father of my future 14 children. Woke up to eat a waffle, determine the level of my dehydration, and add Angelo on Facebook.
You know what else happened last night? I was pooped on by a pigeon. For the first time ever! It really wasn’t surprising because I was walking underneath the above ground subway which is where loads of them sleep at night. There’s literally a carpet of pigeon droppings on the sidewalk beneath it. It happened to this middle aged guy who me and the roommate were hanging out with last weekend, but I didn’t know him very well so I didn’t tell him. Some landed on his face and dried there. I felt a little like a jerk for not informing him, but I was also jealous so it’s okay.
Here are some search terms used to find my blog that make up for the untimely death of Mr. Coffee:
Celine Dion t-shirts
My favorite Celine song is “Taking Chances.” I also enjoy that one that starts off “The whispers in the morning. Of lovers sleeping tight. Are rolling like thunder now.” She speaks my language, you know?
I’m sexually attracted to lots of animated characters. Bob the Builder. Patti Mayonnaise. Diego. I just don’t remember many Pixar MILFs…I guess the kid’s mom from Toy Story was hot?
Keanu Reeves alcoholic
People are so mean to Keanu. 😦
back scratching chihuahua
I don’t know how to spell, either. Men who are illiterate are right up there with aardvarks.
A Google Images search concludes that that’s how you write “Fiona Apple” in…a language I’m not familiar with.
Tommy Lee Jones, Tommy Lee Jone, and Tomy Lee Jones are pretty popular, too. Thank goodness my mom likes him.