Tag Archives: abba

Meryl Streep would’ve done James Bond better and you know it, Brosnan.

Well, I’m baffled.  The weeks have passed, I’ve gone about my life, and every so often I’ve thought about that thing, that blog I keep.  I’ve considered updating it.  But nothing really struck me.  And the longer one goes without updating, the more pressure builds up to make the comeback post a doozy. 

So, here’s the deal:  This post is not a doozy. 

I’m baffled because of all the things (or, in this case “people”) to compel me to update, for whatever reason, Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan took the cake:

It’s genius.  I would seriously write a dissertation just about that scene.  And I’d relate it to Pierce Brosnan’s silly version of masculinity, as well as Meryl Streep’s reputation as the best thing ever.  (Why do we even have that expression about sliced bread?)  And all the while she’s singing an ABBA song and frolicking up rocks.  OH! OH!  And I could devote an entire section to that red shawl she wears.  It’s like Brosnan is her bull and she’s playing an age old game.  It says, I may be a mature woman, but I’m verile and fiery.  It says, I want to have sex with you, but I could just as easily burn you and rob you of your cojones.

Anyway.  It really is my intent to have less of these annoying posts that are prefaced with an allusion to the fact that I rarely post.  Sorry about that.

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Christmas Memories…

I need to thank Jesus.  Thank you for the whole manger, miracles, crucifixion thing, but THANK YOU for having me born into a family where my mom receives Predator on DVD from my dad and thinks it’s the best gift ever.  I thought she was being sarcastic when she unwrapped it and exclaimed “PREDATOR! THANK YOU!” but no.  We then proceeded to watch it and I thought, “I could be enduring some horrible, forced gathering of people who don’t like each other, but instead I’m drinking wine with crazy people who I love and listening to Arnold Schwartenegger and bad pussy jokes.” 

For the record, I think Arnold Schwartenegger is a terrifying human being ever since I watched Pumping Iron.  Also, the pussy jokes really are terrible (yes, I imdb’d Predator and went into Memorable Quotes just to look for the pussy jokes):

Hawkins: Hey Billy. Billy! The other day, I went up to my girlfriend, I said, “Y’know I’d like a little pussy”. She said, “Me too, mine’s as big as a house!”
[Billy stares blankly]
Hawkins: See, she, she wanted a little one ’cause hers was…
[Hawkins pauses, then trails off]
Hawkins: … big as a house.

Hawkins: Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, “Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy.” She said, “Why did you say that twice?” I said, “I didn’t.”
[Billy stares blankly]
Hawkins: See, cuz of the echo.

Other highlights: receiving Abba’s greatest hits (something about that Swedish pop), and a scarf that my parents found abandoned on a railing in one of the Smithsonian museums and decided to give to me. Apparently my dad tried to take it for himself, but my mom petitioned that it be given to me with a gift tag that read “From: ?” As I tried it on she said, “Don’t worry, I washed it.”