Tag Archives: arkansas

Blasphemy!

Don’t you love eating in diners?  For me, it ranks right up there with watching Barbara Walters receive a lap dance.  My roommate took me out to one in our neighborhood tonight.  Along with our food, though, we unwillingly consumed an hour’s worth of Pastor Arnold Murray’s Family Bible Study.  Of all the things to blare on a flatscreen television in a New York City diner…The Shepherd’s Chapel from Gravette, Arkansas?  I kind of felt like God was trying to send me a message, especially after I posted my blasphemous Ash Wednesday poem…a casual “shape up or ship out (to the depths of hell)” kind of thing. 

But honestly I’ve become more of a Buddhist lately, so I think I’ll be all right.  I haven’t begun meditating or practicing yoga or pilgriming anywhere, yet, but it’s on the to-do list (right after #11: Be Serenaded, Preferably to the Stylings of This, This, or if nothing else, This).  

At one point Pastor Arnold Murray started going off on, not surprisingly, liberals (though he prefers the term “nutcases”).  I enjoyed the way the word rolled off his Arkansas tongue.  He said the problem with liberals (among other things) is they spend too much time listening to college professors…which I tend to think is the antithesis of a problem. 

There was a speaker directly above our booth, so it really felt like he was right there with us.  In case you’ve never seen Pastor Arnold (despite his Bible study being televised on 225 stations in the US and Canada):

“Life without discipline is not much fun,” indeed.

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The Things We Do For Love

Oh snap!

Oh snap!

Imagine one of these billboards placed in, say, Effingham, Illinois right next to the world’s biggest:

I saw multiple giant crosses while driving from Massachusetts to Arizona a couple years ago, and the sight never got less alarming.  It’s like…highway, highway, tractor trailer truck, highway, blinding sun, and BAM! GIANT CROSS!  My friend and I had this game going.  First person to see a cactus was entitled to a free beer.  First person to see a free range buffalo: beer.  His ideas were all things from nature, while mine were things like, first person to see a giant, tacky thing on top of a building:

It’s a great game because no one really loses.  But yeah, had I realized that there was such an abundance of giant crosses in Middle America…that would have definitely been one of my road trip drinking game items. 

It’s funny because…that Darwin billboard was one of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning.  (I roll over, open up my phone, check my e-mail, lament that I’ve received no e-mails, and then I click on random links provided by my mobile browser.)  So I was like, WOW!  Religious people are gonna freak!  Then, my mom calls a little while ago and is like, “I found this poetry contest you WILL enter.”  (She means business.)  Then she adds, “If you want to.”  She goes on to explain that it’s sponsored by the Christian Poets Guild…  This so-called guild doesn’t seem to have a website, it just seems to advertise its poetry contests in small newspapers around the country, such as “The Eagle” out of Byron, TX, the “Hot Springs Village Voice” out of Arkansas, and my very own “Pennysaver” out of Western Massachusetts.   

So this is suspicious.  She’s suggested this contest to me before and I’ve always been like, “Yes, I’ll look into it,” when really I’m thinking, “Praise Darwin.”  …Then Mom tells me that I can enter online at freecontest.com.  Moms don’t tend to know these things, but a web address like that is highly questionable!  It’s usually smart to avoid any URL with “free” or “contest” in it, and this one has both.  If you’re brave enough to click the link, you’ll see that this contest in no way looks legit.  My mom was so excited about it, though, that I might risk having my identity stolen or being sold into sex trafficking just to make her happy…