It’s a joke. A 30-minute disaster of a not-funny joke that makes my skin crawl in much the same way that my apartment is crawling with various infestations. Anyway, tonight I found myself watching the 11pm local news on CBS. I don’t know why. They suck you in with bizarre headlines and you think, “I simply cannot continue living life on this planet if I do not hear about that NYC firefighter who called in fake alarms to keep his station afloat with all these budget cuts threatening to shut it down.” Or something. I missed that report.
But luckily I did catch a fascinating report towards the end of the broadcast, just before Letterman (who had John McCain as his guest, WTF?). It was a “health” report from Dr. Holly Phillips about this not even all that new procedure called a “Y-Lift” that is “even better than a face lift!” It gets its name from the way in which the facial filler is injected into the skin–in a “Y” shape, apparently. A couple posts ago I said the American workaholic mentality was one of my least favorite things about this country. New idea: the American obsession with all things age-defying and anti-wrinkle tops that list. This is how Dr. Holly Phillips finished her important report (more important than all the other things going on in the world? fuck off, CBS):
There is a slight chance of having an allergic reaction to cosmetic fillers. To prevent this, ask your doctor to test a small amount of the filler on the inside of your wrist before injecting it into your face.
Do you hear yourself, Dr. Holly? “INTO YOUR FACE.” Best of all, though, was when it was handed back over to co-anchor Kristine Johnson who made this flub:
Pretty sure she meant to say Y-Lift…but I’m not going to open up that Freudian slip of worms. I’ll just move right on to the money thing. $4,500?? Are you kidding me? I was outraged at a man on a subway platform tonight using a $1 bill as a bookmark. Seemed like an unnecessary flaunting of wealth. So don’t sit there on your lumbar-supporting chair, misreading your teleprompter, and casually drop a figure like $4,500. We’re all going to be waiting in bread lines come New Years, but hey, at least our faces will be taut.