Something happened tonight that is likely an indication of a larger problem/neurosis/obsession, as is the case with most (Freudian, I guess) slips. It was similar to the time in high school when this kid Jake was reading aloud from a science textbook and accidentally replaced the word “organism” with “orgasm.” But even though we all laughed at his expense, that really is an honest mistake. Just two letters off, and on top of that, a sizeable number of organisms can achieve orgasm. Some organisms even have pills designed purely to help achieve orgasm…
But anyway, let me set the scene of my own slip. I was at work, getting settled at my computer. I consider myself a pretty computer-savvy individual, but this computer was misbehaving in ways that I just could not understand. Ctrl-Alt-Del failed to help the situation. Repeatedly clicking ‘Retry’ in the Error Message is always useless. So, as much as I hate bothering the IT Guy, up I was forced to march to the IT Guy Spot.
The first time was slip-free. “I’m having trouble opening Crappy Application.” Stuff is always going wrong with Crappy Application, so IT Guy is used to hearing this. He followed me to my computer and proceeded to open Crappy Application on the first try. “Sorry.” He said something about having the magic touch and walked away.
Not two minutes later, I tried to open up Excel and another problem…a pop up message informed me that there was not enough disc space to open it. So I’m like, fuck you! I don’t want to visit IT Guy again! I put it off, but eventually I did go back to IT Guy Spot, and the conversation went a little like this:
Me: Hey, sorry to bother you again.
IT Guy: What’s up?
Me: Now I can’t open up Excel. It says there’s not enough dick space. (Catching myself, but really thinking/hoping that IT Guy didn’t pick up on what I said…)
IT Guy: Say that again?
Me: (Trying very hard to enunciate) Disc space.
IT Guy: Oh, okay. That makes more sense.
Like I said, I really didn’t think my slip was so noticeable, but on the way back to the computer IT Guy said, “The first thing you said sounded more like a personal problem.”
Anyway, I’m not easily embarrassed, but that was a doozy. And not as understandable as the whole organism-orgasm thing.
In other embarrassing computer happenings, a bunch of my friends have signed up for Match.com. I have nothing to say on the topic of online dating websites, except that the culture they create is pretty fascinating/scary. There’s this shame about even having to resort to creating a profile, there’s the whole necessity of using the most effective photos and copy to best market yourself, and then there are the eventual bizarre real-life dates that can result after the virtual courtship of winks and emails is completed.
But okay, I admit it, I was on there a couple years ago for like, a month. I went on a date with some NYU Grad student whose username was something about shark attacks. He looked like A.C. Slater in the single photo he included with his profile. So between the shark thing and the Slater thing, I figured, why not? Anyway, that was my one and only Match.com date. Not that it was even a terrible date, but most of the time I could just care less about courtship, the virtual kind and the ever decreasing actual kind.
I know, I know. I say that, but then I show up to work complaining to the IT Guy about not having enough dick space…