Tag Archives: george michael

And so this is Christmas…

Faith Hill’s new Christmas song is on the radio every time I go to the laundromat.  It’s called “A Baby Changes Everything,” and it’s all about Mary and the Immaculate Conception and her and Joseph’s trek to the manger. 

Teenage girl, much too young
Unprepared for what’s to come
A baby changes everything

The man she loves she’s never touched
How will she keep his trust?
A baby changes everything

My original intention was to criticize “A Baby Changes Everything.”  Okay, that’s still the intent, but just for the record, I do feel a little guilty about it.  This is, after all, the Biblical event that serves as the excuse for us to have drunken holiday parties, buy stuff we can’t afford, receive stuff other people couldn’t afford, drink limited time festive lattes at Starbuck’s, etc, etc.  Blatant Christian messages are just jarring for the ears, even for my ears that were raised on the stuff. 

Anyway, while Faith’s song doesn’t particularly put me in the holiday spirit in the same way that, say, Wham!’s “Last Christmas” (Faith Hill is almost as beautiful as George Michael), and it doesn’t get stuck in my head while at the same time making me terribly sad like John Lennon’s “Happy Christmas (War Is Over)”…it might convince teenage girls to practice abstinence.  Or, they might just think (especially if they’ve received an abstinence-only “education”), fuck it…Joe the future Plumber (or carpenter, whatever) is going to think I’m a whore if I don’t let him touch me and just my luck something immaculate goes and happens. 

The whole nativity thing really is a nice story, though.  I love those Three Wise Men.  I went as one of them to a Halloween party this year along with two friends and I taped a sign that said “I went to Bethlehem and all I got was this stupid t-shirt” to my t-shirt.  That was my favorite part.  Along with the fake beards and the blow-up camels pinned to our crotches.  Actually, we couldn’t find camels so we used blow-up giraffes from the 99 cent store next to the strip club. 

But I really am in the holiday spirit this year.  Or maybe not the holiday spirit, per se.  I’m happy and it happens to be the holidays, so yeah.  And a snowstorm is hitting here at 9am, which is almost as exciting as being impregnated by God.  (Even if I’m sleeping until 3pm these days and will miss the first round of it.)

Googling God is fun! (The blog I got this from might not appreciate my using it.  But, hey, its Christmas!)

Googling God is fun! (The blog I got this from might not appreciate my using it. But, hey, it's Christmas!)

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Redneck Weekend ’08

The wise men of Oasis once said, “Don’t look back in anger.”  An even wiser man, George Michael once said, “I gotta think twice.”  Yesterday I was feeling pretty stressed out financially, professionally, romantically, metaphysically.  But today I woke up and I thought to myself, you know what?  It really doesn’t matter because I’m going line dancing tonight. 

It’s one of my best friend’s birthdays tomorrow, so she planned this whole weekend full of hick-tastic, redneck festivities.  Which is usually how weekends go with her, anyway.  We’ve been going to this line dancing club, Illusions, for a couple years now.  It’s in the middle of nowhere in Connecticut.  You walk in and it’s like entering a new dimension (probably).  Guys in NASCAR t-shirts and relaxed fit Levis, girls in other crazy stuff, and the weirdest thing is…everyone is an expert line dancer.  EVERYONE.  We’ve always ended up there on a Friday or Saturday night, but tonight, if you’ve been keeping track, is a Thursday.  Thursday nights at Illusions are instructional nights.  So we’re going to learn how to Boot Scoot Buggy and Devil Went Down to Georgia with the best of them.  Because every song has its own unique dance.  It’s so bizarre and beautiful.

My friend met her ex-boyfriend because of an Illusions trip.  I would not recommend this.  

Then Friday night is the last country concert of our country megaticket.  If you’ve never been to a country concert, you really are missing out.  Such good tailgating.  And everyone pretends to be a hick, so it’s fun to decide who really is and who is just pretending.  And people OD and stuff like at normal concerts.

Then Saturday we’re going to the Big E, or the Eastern States Exposition.  It’s just this huge, excessive fair.  You can get fried dough and you can get the latest in kitchen cleaning supplies (as seen on tv).  So that’s fun. 

You may be wondering where I’m getting the funds to do all this, and I’m wondering that myself.  Netflix did agree to give me back my $18.01 yesterday, though!  Which surprised me.  FYI, if you ever need to call Netflix, their customer service number is not on their website.  You have to go to this other website called Hacking Netflix to find it. 

You may also be wondering what you can do for fun this weekend.  This looks slightly more redneck than what I’m doing, but Nick’s GQ Birthday sounds pretty awesome, too.  If you’re a dude you’re gonna have to wax your eyebrows and make sure you have hair gel by the gallon for that one.  But have a blast.