Tag Archives: internships

What’s Wrong With Me? (Cougars and Cupcakes Edition)

Upon doing research, I have learned that in order to make my eye stop twitching I need to stop thinking about my eye’s twitching…but here I am writing about it.

One of those WebMd-like websites confirmed what I already knew: that it is brought on by excessive fatigue or stress. It’s been going on (off and on) for about 24 hours now. I haven’t had this long of an eye twitch spell since one year ago when I had an internship with a non-profit production company headed by two terrible women.  They were purebred passive-aggressive bitches. 

Is that a Stump, or are you just happy to see me?

Is that a Stump, or are you just happy to see me?

One day, in the pouring rain, they sent me to fetch gluten-free cupcakes downtown.  That wasn’t why I quit, but it was the icing on the cupcake so to speak, and when I returned (sopping wet…like a dog?) I entered their office to speak my piece. On the way out I said, “Enjoy your cupcakes.” I’m not sure if they realized I didn’t mean it…

Anyway, the eye twitch is back. I think I’m just tired. I plan to sleep in tomorrow and wake up in time to see Ellen DeGeneres rip Jason Mesnick a new one. I, for some reason, am not all that outraged that he dumped Melissa and got with Molly five minutes later on national television, which must make me a bad person? Normal social/sexual mores just don’t apply in the world of “The Bachelor.” And whatever. Melissa annoyed me because she was all like, “I’m so close to being the happiest I’ve ever been. All I need is this man to put a diamond on my finger. Then and only then will I be truly happy.” NO! The only person responsible for your happiness is YOU, Melissa.

Now back to the whole what’s-wrong-with-me thing–lately celebrities keep showing up in my dreams.  Here’s what the Dream Moods dictionary has to say:

To see a celebrity in your dream, represents your beliefs and understanding about him or her. Something in you waking life has triggered these similar beliefs and feelings. It is not uncommon that your obsession with a certain celebrity may carry over onto your dream world. Celebrities are often seen as heroes and all that is mighty. Also consider any puns within the name.

To dream that you are having sex with a celebrity, indicates your drive to be successful. Consider what movies you associate this celebrity with or what makes this celebrity famous for clues as to where and what you want to achieve success in.

Here are three celebrities that I may or may not have had sex with in my dreams the past few nights:

Russell Brand.  Recently watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall--he has a lot of sex in the movie.  Also, keep seeing ads for his Comedy Central special.  Did not realize his hair is always like that.

Russell Brand. Recently watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall--he has a lot of sex in the movie. Also, keep seeing ads for his Comedy Central special. Did not realize his hair is always like that.

Gary Le Vox, lead singer of Rascal Flatts.  We didnt have sex, but he totally wanted to.

Gary Le Vox, lead singer of Rascal Flatts. We didn't have sex, but he totally wanted to.

Tom Brokaw.  What is the male equivalent of a cougar?

Tom Brokaw. What is the male equivalent of a "cougar"?

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