Tag Archives: jane austen

Movie Tie-In Editions Can Go To Hell

It’s very important to be aware of your pet peeves.  You never know when you’re going to need to fill out a MySpace survey asking you to name your biggest one.  Or when you’re going to sit across from someone at a speed dating table demanding to hear your top two…in bed.  Similarly, it’s important to be able to name your most embarrassing moments offhand.  One of my most embarrassing moments involved accidentally referring to a pet dog by the name of a girl I was babysitting for the first time.  In my defense, her name was Teddy.  Which is a perfectly wonderful name, but it is rather species-neutral.

Anyway, one of my biggest pet peeves are those damn movie tie-in edition book covers that announce “NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE!”  They’re the worst idea ever:

I accidentally amputated Elizabeth Berkely's leg here.

I accidentally amputated Elizabeth Berkely's leg here.

And yeah, Showgirls was never a novel.  Anyway, they piss me off because…they’re books!!  It’s great that they were made into movies, but when I read a book, I want to use my own imagination.  Not Martin Scorsese’s, dammit!  I don’t want a picture of Keira Knightly stuck in my head while Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy are having wild, passionate sex.  (It was implicit, but it totally happened.)   I love movies, I love books, but when a book is made into a movie it’s an adaptation.  It’s not the same thing.  So stop acting like it’s the same thing, Harper Collins.  Everyone likes Penguin better.  Simon & Schuster told me.