Tag Archives: marriage

A list that, in theory, should have 29 items, but only has 9.

Yesterday was my parents’ 29th wedding anniversary.  According to AnniversaryIdeas.com that means I should have given them…furniture.  Yup.  In honor of your nearly three decades–here’s an ottoman. 

I always forget about their anniversary.  Any reference to the occasion didn’t come up for at least 15 minutes into my conversation with my mom yesterday.  It went something like:

Me: So, it’s pretty rainy today.

Mom: Yeah.  It was a much prettier day 29 years ago when I got married.

In an attempt to attone for forgetting, I will now compile a list (Sesame Street style) of noteworthy things having to do with the number 29.  Here goes. 

  1. The age of my roommate’s new boyfriend.
  2. The number of suspected Somali pirates that Russia detained, as reported by CNN on April 29th.  That’s right.  Two 29s in one.
  3. An amendment to the NOAA’s Fishery Management Plan related to the Grouper and Tilefish Individual Fishing Quota (IFQ) Program in the Gulf of Mexico.
  4. The year in which Dick Clark was born.  (Though born is probably not the best word for it.)
  5. The amount of times you must enter into monogomous marriages in order to tie world record holder Glynn Wolf.

    This may or may not be a photo of Linda Essex, wife 29.

    This may or may not be a photo of Linda Essex, wife 29.

  6. A New York congressional district that this man represents.

    A New York congressional district that this man represents.

  7. The weeks it will take for your fetus to look like this.

    The weeks it will take for your fetus to look like this.

  8. A city I will likely never visit.

     

  9. A shopping mall in Boulder, CO with supposed job openings at Gymboree, LensCrafters, Mad Greens, Men’s Wearhouse, U.S. Bank, and Vitamin Shoppe. No word on relocation assistance.

 

Update on item eight on this list, 29 Palms, California, via UrbanDictionary.com:

“A place in the middle of nowhere California full of nothing but Marines, crackheads, Asians and desert rats (also known as ‘Cougars,’ ‘Desert Yetis’ and ‘That bitch that gave me the clap.’) Generally avoided by anyone that has any semblence of a life, and loathed by most that live there. Often subjected to high winds which will hopefully cover it in sand one day.

Person 1: “What the hell is that smell?”
Person 2: “That’s just Twentynine Palms.”

On that note, Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!!!!!!!

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Craigslist opportunity I’m crazy/bored/curious enough to pursue?

Hmmmmm…  I’m attending my father’s retirement party celebrating his nearly 40 years in the Air National Guard next week–it might be fun to spring a marriage to a random Army man on him.  No?

Looking for the Perfect Travel Companion (Anywhere)

Looking for a woman who wants to see the world. Must marry me temporarily. We’ll travel the world for a year plus, then get the marriage annulled. I’m a published author, looking to take advantage of my free travel with the army to inspire me for my next big work with a girl that’s up for a random and interesting trip.