Tag Archives: new age

The Neurotic Little Puppy

I read this New Age-y book recently that presented a pretty thought-provoking theory.  The author was talking about fairy tales and children’s stories and how one in particular usually strikes a chord with us when we’re young and the reason it strikes a chord is because it reminds us of one of our neuroses that will continue to be a neurosis when we grow up.  The author said for her that story was the tale of the patchwork dress girl who shows up to a ball with a dress stitched out of lots of rags unlike the other girls who are wearing beautiful gowns.  The girl hides in a closet because she’s ashamed of her dress…then a handsome prince finds her and appreciates her handiwork or something stupid.

Clearly I don’t really remember the details, but the author boiled it down to something like–she’s interested in lots of things, not just one thing, so instead of becoming an expert at one thing she’s just mediocre at lots of things.  I guess that’s her neurosis.

This got me thinking about my childhood (because who doesn’t like to analyze their neuroses?).  The only book I could think of that struck a chord was one from The Poky Little Puppy series.  This one was scratch and sniff.  The Poky Little Puppy goes off with his puppy siblings to find birthday presents for their mom.  Poky’s siblings get lemonade or cotton candy or a bucket of apples and call it a day (the lemonade was my favorite thing to scratch).  But Poky has a hell of a time finding the perfect present.  It’s really sad.  He’s the ultimate people pleaser.  So maybe that’s my neurosis?  Yeah, I think so.  It especially rears its ugly neurotic head around these gift-giving times of the year. 

I used to be really good about making gift lists and crossing off names and putting a lot of thought into the whole process.  Now it’s December 17th and I’m like WTF?  How did this happen.  My urge to procrastinate has outweighed my people pleasing urge!  But I had an idea after I woke up, while I was still in bed.  It involves gingerbread and frosting and candy.  Or maybe I’ll just walk across the street to the 99 cent store next to the strip club and call it a day. 

 

Speaking of puppies, I have my own theory.  I bet police officers who work with police dogs live longer than non-K-9 unit police officers.  Because animals make you happy.  And happiness keeps you healthy.  And healthy, happy people live longer!

Serving Edina, Minnesota where the city slogan goes, "...for living, learning, raising families & doing business." Don't mess with those American values.

Further research will need to be conducted to see if the theory applies to Tom Hanks.

Further research will need to be conducted to see if the theory applies to Tom Hanks.

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Religiously Fanatical, Humbert Humbert-like, Alcoholic Man–quit your leering! Thanks.

There was one of those creepy men on the subway just now.  The kind who operate on this whole new level of creepy–they stare as though you are the Virgin Mary or Lolita or a tall, strong drink that must be picked up and ingested as soon as possible.  You look up from your subway reading to find crazed eyes not just staring back at you, but staring back at you as though they have never NOT been staring at you.  It’s not normal, I say.  Leave me to my New Age self-help spirituality book, dammit!

Thanksgiving is upon us!  Things I’m thankful for this year:

  • That I’m not still in contact with the 34-year-old guy I met last Thanksgiving.
  • That I was not ingested like a tall, strong drink by the subway man. 
  • That I have a job, especially one that puts me on the subway at the kind of hours during which men looking to ingest tall, strong women roam the cars.
  • That I now have approximately three pairs of pants to rotate wearing.

Still a couple more days to tweak the list.  If you like lists and indirect references to bestiality, do check out my BILF list from yesterday.