Tag Archives: sexy

Is Joaquin Phoenix really retiring?

For the clean, conservative female (Elizabeth Hasselbeck?), a blogging gig: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/wri/961515316.html

Hasn’t it been established yet that Conservative Humor is an oxymoron?  And they want clean writing?  Absurd.  Everyone knows writing is supposed to be dirty.

Speaking of dirty writing, I watched Quills on hulu last week.  Kate Winslet makes me so happy:

Madeleine: If I wasn’t such a bad woman on the page, I couldn’t be such a good woman in life.

Geoffrey Rush...oddly sexy?

Paul Newman

I wrote this poem last fall.  So, today seems like a good day to post it.

Paul Newman

I had the same makeup artist as Paul Newman.  She raved about his Fig Newman’s and his Oreos, but he is not allowed to call his Oreos “Oreos” as that is a licensed trademark of Nabisco.  She said, “Cool Hand Luke—only Paul Newman can make hardboiled eggs sexy,” and I said, “I’m not a fan of hardboiled eggs, but yeah, his eyes sure are something—something cool and refreshing like his peppermint cups, yet strong and impassioned like his low-fat, all natural pretzel rods—something to justify taking home a fugitive along with his wheat-free, dairy-free chocolate chip cookies for dessert.”     

Best Job Ever?

It’s getting to the point where a job checking heads for lice doesn’t sound that bad.  But really, bugs that are that small don’t bother me.  I’d get to meet lots of miserable, itchy children.  Wear blue gloves all day.  It might be awesome.   Imagine being at the bar and being asked, “So, what do you do?”  Tell me I would not have the sexiest answer ever.

If Kathleen wasn’t taking a nap five feet away I probably would have called.  And probably would’ve regretted it immediately after.  What am I doing with my life.

Celebrity Sightings

It’s been a big summer for me in terms of seeing people who are mildly interesting.  Celebrities seem to have this sixth sense for when I’m hungover.  For instance, last year I saw Tyra Banks while I was hungover and sitting by the Hudson River eating a Charlies burger.  She was with her trainer.  She was holding a medicine ball.  Hardcore, right?

Then, a few weeks ago, I was sitting on a bench on the Lower East Side drinking one of those terrible energy drinks to try to get rid of another hangover, and who walked by?  Mike Myers.  And he was holding a soccer ball.  Hangovers and balls.  What is it with these celebrities?  Mike and I made eye contact.  I slid off my shades, gave him a head nod.  He mumbled, “Hi,” and smiled awkwardly.  Okay, I’m starting to sound like a romance novel, so really that was it.  He didn’t strip off his blue soccer jersey, and I didn’t pour my energy drink over his hairy abdomen.  Nope.  Contrary to TMZ’s blurry photos, never happened.

Anyway, next celebrity sighting.  Barnes & Noble in Bethesda, Maryland.  That’s right, MATTHEW LESKO.  None other than THE QUESTION MARK GUY!  He was wearing a white suit with lime green question marks.  Very stylish, no?  His salt and pepper strands sparkled under the fluorescent lighting.  He didn’t even seem ADD at all.  Just SEXY.  Anyway…

 

I also saw Madeleine Albright.  And yes, she did look like this: