Tag Archives: the bible

Blasphemy!

Don’t you love eating in diners?  For me, it ranks right up there with watching Barbara Walters receive a lap dance.  My roommate took me out to one in our neighborhood tonight.  Along with our food, though, we unwillingly consumed an hour’s worth of Pastor Arnold Murray’s Family Bible Study.  Of all the things to blare on a flatscreen television in a New York City diner…The Shepherd’s Chapel from Gravette, Arkansas?  I kind of felt like God was trying to send me a message, especially after I posted my blasphemous Ash Wednesday poem…a casual “shape up or ship out (to the depths of hell)” kind of thing. 

But honestly I’ve become more of a Buddhist lately, so I think I’ll be all right.  I haven’t begun meditating or practicing yoga or pilgriming anywhere, yet, but it’s on the to-do list (right after #11: Be Serenaded, Preferably to the Stylings of This, This, or if nothing else, This).  

At one point Pastor Arnold Murray started going off on, not surprisingly, liberals (though he prefers the term “nutcases”).  I enjoyed the way the word rolled off his Arkansas tongue.  He said the problem with liberals (among other things) is they spend too much time listening to college professors…which I tend to think is the antithesis of a problem. 

There was a speaker directly above our booth, so it really felt like he was right there with us.  In case you’ve never seen Pastor Arnold (despite his Bible study being televised on 225 stations in the US and Canada):

“Life without discipline is not much fun,” indeed.

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Happy Ash Wednesday!

JESUS (motioning to the cross he lugs as he bleeds and sweats): "Carry?" KERRY (lost in thought about ketchup): "Yeah, that's me."

I completely forgot about the occasion.  Then something reminded me, then being reminded reminded me of a poem I wrote.  You may have read it in the 2008 edition of a college lit magazine.  If not:

If It Exists, Me and My Dirty Feet Are Going to Hell

My feet are so dirty from walking around the city all day in flip-flops.
A chunk of tar got jammed in the back of them and the heel of my
foot looks like Christians’ foreheads on Ash Wednesday.

Ash Wednesday was always my least favorite obligatory
church-going day.  “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…”
I haven’t been to church in ages.  Mom used to ask me to
go with her again, but on Easter Sunday she didn’t.
“And back to dust you shall return.”

Probably because I told her how I don’t like
the Book of Genesis.  It’s so sexist.  I told her it
sucks that Eve’s supposed transgression tainted
all women for eternity.  I’m glad she ate that apple!
Girl power! Stupid serpent.  Stupid Adam.
I don’t see anyone blaming them.  Or how about God?
He created the tree.

The Bible is weird.  Religion is weird.
But people believe and I guess that’s good.
I don’t know when I stopped.  Maybe I never did
in the first place.

I should wash my feet.  That one time in the Bible
people washed Jesus’ feet.  Good for him.
I can do it myself.