THIS is why I love the ridiculous genius that is The Onion. Right after I devote a post to the time-space continuum, they go and devote an article to not only the time-space continuum, but to how “skyrocketing consumer prices coupled with stagnant wages have forced many Americans to work a fourth shift in another dimension in order to make ends meet.” It’s so silly and satirical and subversive and it makes me so happy.
I read it on my commute home from work yesterday/earlythismorning and probably disturbed quite a few 3am Flushing-bound subway sleepers. I never officially announced not being unemployed anymore, but that’s just because I still kind of feel poor and unsure of everything. I’ve been thinking about taking the GREs, but that requires something like $140 and…I don’t even know what I want to go back to school for or when or even if. I’ve entertained ideas of getting my master’s in a different country. Canada, Australia, or North Korea. Still deciding. Australia has Hugh Jackman, but North Korea has this guy–
Too gorgeous for his own good.
Posted in Celebrities, Culture, economy, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Random, Science, Thoughts, Writing
Tagged australia, canada, GREs, hugh jackman, kim jong-il, north korea, silly, subversion, the onion, time-space continuum
Least interesting pick-up line I’ve heard in a long time: “Can I borrow your scarf? I’d really like to. No? Can I borrow your name, then?” Does that ever work anywhere, never mind outside of a Queens bar on a Wednesday night at 3am?
A much better way to go about it is to sit down next to someone in a place offering free public wi-fi and ask them how the connection is working. That’s what this nice guy from Nepal did to me a week ago. I’d had WAY too much coffee, so I couldn’t stop smiling no matter what he said even though I wasn’t remotely interested. He asked me what I like to do in New York, and I said, “I like Bryant Park, Central Park, and the Hudson River.” I was just trying to list really vague things so that he wouldn’t track me down and rape me or anything. He got really excited about my list, though, and he said, “We like the same things!!” He was a balding, 35 year old IT guy. Then he asked me about the skating rink at Bryant Park and said we should go together sometime. It was pretty awkward, but at least he didn’t ask to borrow my scarf.
Anyway, Halloween is over. Saturday (Nov. 1st) they were playing Christmas songs at the mall. I’ve had trouble keeping track of the time of the year lately and I said, “But it’s not even Halloween yet.” What is wrong with me? Okay, I was hungover, but still. I get disorientated really easily. And time is less fixed when you work part-time and at night. You don’t have to plan ahead for a Monday, November 17th board meeting, you just have to tell yourself, hey, go to work on Wednesday night. Which makes it easy to forget what season you’re in apparently. I love it.
Sometimes it seems like everyone you meet is completely crazy. There was this dude, Dave, on the 7 train at 3am last night who was kind of squatting there. He said he’d just gotten back from India. He read me some mantras in Sanskrit. He complained about it being too cold on trains that go above ground (apparently the E train is good for sleeping). I touched his meditation beads. It was a pretty intimate thing, except that he seemed completely out of his mind. Then it was my stop and we parted ways. He said, “I’ll probably never see you again.” And I said, “Yeah, we’ll see.”
I love New York.
Posted in Culture, Friends, Hangovers, Humor, Life, Men, Random, Thoughts, Women, Writing
Tagged bryant park, christmas songs, coffee, halloween, Hangovers, ice skating, india, meditation beads, nepal, pick-up lines, scarves, squatting, time-space continuum