Oh. My. God. Something beautiful has happened. In the past few days, HUNDREDS more people than usual have viewed my blog. And it’s all thanks to a little search term called…vagina.
Plain ol’ “vagina” is bringing in the most people, but runners up include “big vagina,” “dirty vagina,” “vagina is purple,” “piece of vagina” (ah!), “light up vagina” (OOH!), and “how to make a finger vagina.” That last one sounds like it came from a terribly confused soul who inquired about a noun when a verb was intended.
In case you only recall there ever being talk of Barbara Walters lap dances or Tom Brokaw sex dreams on this blog, click here to see a giant bicycle vagina. That also sounds like it was meant to be a verb (giant vagina bicycling), but it really is a noun. It’s a giant bicycle vagina. And it’s amazing.
Well. I got completely distracted by vaginas in this post. Here are some less interesting things I may have done had vaginas not stolen the show:
- Complained tirelessly about banks and their exorbitant overdraft charges.
- Cooked you a steak like Cher in Moonstruck. (You’d have eaten it rare while wearing a wooden hand.)
- Wished you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day.
- Referred you to this Craiglist ad.
- Compared Kim Jong-Il to a summer’s day.
- Presented a hypothetical question asking: “If you were a predator, would you be less likely to pursue as prey someone who walked down the sidewalk wielding a fork?”
- Reminisced about the Halloween I dressed up as a fork.
- Mentioned the fork that is literally in my road, in the tar of my road.
- Displayed an obvious affection for bullet points.
- Retracted Kim Jong-Il comparison.