Tag Archives: tom selleck

Have Your Cake and Have Your Way With It, Too.

I’m gearing up for a joint birthday party tomorrow night.  Mine and my arborist friend’s, to be specific.  It’s not really a party.  It’s just me at the bar I always go to joined by more people I know than usual. 

Today I visited the 99 Cent store next to the strip club in my neighborhood.  Stocked up on balloons and streamers.  Now I just need an embarrassing cake.  Ideally I would like this one:

That thing is pimp, right?  Hershey Kisses on the bottom.  Ivy made out of GUMMIES?  Genius.

Speaking of genius:

Yes. Yes, I would like a piece of that.

This one, though, takes the figurative and literal cake:

TOM SELLECK!!!!!

TOM SELLECK!!!!!

And this would be the last resort:

Grossly Misusing WordPress, as usual.

The evolution of the Facebook status astounds me.  It seems that many people grossly misuse this feature.  Personally, I only use it when I’m especially excited about something or when I’m especially intoxicated (occasionally the two go hand in hand).  I remember the early days, with your run-of-the-mill updates:

John Hancock is at home.

Madame Curie is in the lab.

Tom Selleck is grooming the ol’ ‘stache.

But NOW. 

Dakota Fanning is LOL where did this hickey come from?

Kim Jong-Il is 5 DAYS UNTIL JONAS BROTHERS NEW ALBUM DROPS! CAMPING OUT IN FRONT OF WALMART AND TRAMPLING A BITCH! teeheeeee

It’s one thing to procrastinate your day away on Facebook.  It’s another thing to further procrastinate your day by blogging about Facebook…  My most recent status update was last night letting everyone know that I spotted this dapper man on Park Avenue:

He didn’t flash me his undies, but he did give me an up and down, elevator style.  I guess because I was staring at him.  But it was oddly satisfying to receive the brief attention of Carson Kressley.  I feel like he has an innate ability to size anyone up in less time than the average judgmental human eye.   I think his conclusion about me would have to be something along the lines of “TJ Maxx Clearance Rack Pack Rat” or “Salvation Army Whore.”  I’d prefer the latter.  Dammit.  THAT’S what I should have named this blog.