The other night I met up with this guy, and he asked me if I watch “Lost.” And I said no. It’s one of those shows I figure I’ll pick up on DVD and engross myself with for days on end at some point…when I’m unemployed or recovering from gastric bypass or waiting for my court date after making bail. Some situation like that where you just need to lose yourself in another world because all hope for your own is a bit…lost.
Anyway, as a means of procrastination, I took one of those stupid quizzes on Facebook. This one was entitled, “On which current TV show would you exist?” And, yeah, my result was “Lost.” Which strikes me as amazingly accurate even though I’ve never seen it:
You are suspicious of reality and not sure that time exists. You are attractive and sexy but never really bathe properly. When given the chance to re-invent yourself, you became the exact same person you already were. Some people think you are insane, but you may actually be a visionary. Despite your average background, you can kill wild boar, shoot guns, and build shelters out of underwear and luggage pieces. You think a lot but are not sure what to think. All of your friends could also be your enemies or your relatives. You know that ghosts and monsters really do exist. People are addicted to you.
As far as I know I cannot kill wild boar, but everything else is pretty spot-on. (Especially the thing about bathing.)
With unemployment comes new hobbies, like suddenly having the time to blog every day, or sitting in an internet cafe applying to be in a Bollywood film, or remembering how much you love photography. All of my new hobbies have been really satisfying, but I’m really glad I broke out my camera again. It’s kind of a beast and I lost my USB cord, so I stopped using it for a good year or two, but Kathleen has one of those printers that you can insert your memory stick into, so uploading is easy again! Here are a few of my favorite photos of late:
I told her she's a model and she erupted.
Posted in Entertainment, Friends, Humor, Life, Photography, Random, Thoughts, Writing
Tagged balloons, beast, bollywood, cameras, hobbies, internet cafes, Photography, unemployment
It’s getting to the point where a job checking heads for lice doesn’t sound that bad. But really, bugs that are that small don’t bother me. I’d get to meet lots of miserable, itchy children. Wear blue gloves all day. It might be awesome. Imagine being at the bar and being asked, “So, what do you do?” Tell me I would not have the sexiest answer ever.
If Kathleen wasn’t taking a nap five feet away I probably would have called. And probably would’ve regretted it immediately after. What am I doing with my life.
Posted in Humor, Life, Random, Thoughts, Writing
Tagged blue gloves, bugs, craigslist, lice, Life, regrets, sexy, unemployment
If I hear “The market is bad right now” one more time I will curl up in the fetal position and sing the chorus of “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” repeatedly. I always did love REM. Eventually I will switch over to rocking back and forth to “Everybody Hurts.”
The weeks keep going by and I keep not finding a job. It’s preposterous! It requires patience! But I’ve been keeping busy, despite the fact that I’m down to $41.39 in my checking account. Yesterday was a real eye-opener: Netflix emailed to let me know that the hold I put on my account has been removed. Yeah, the hold that I put on the account when I left DC, before finding an apartment in NY. At the time I figured that of course I would be able to afford Netflix by September 15th. It didn’t occur to me that the market is really bad right now and everybody hurts and it’s the end of the world as we know it.
I immediately cancelled the membership, but those jerks charged me for the month anyway. And I don’t have the mmph to bitch them out. Perhaps once I have some coffee…
Don’t even feel bad for me, though. Because I’m so irresponsible. I went to the Brooklyn Book Festival on Sunday and spent, like, 35 bucks. How come I didn’t have the sense to stop and think to myself, “Wait, isn’t that 50% of your entire net worth right now?” Denial? Hangover? Check and check.
I can’t really say I have buyer’s regret, though, because I found the most exciting book: Superdove: How the Pigeon Took Manhattan…And the World by Courtney Humphries. When you bought a $5 tote bag from the Independent Booksellers of NYC you got the book free!! Because IBNYC just made the pigeon their mascot. And if you’ve read my About Me section you know that pigeons are my absolute favorite.
What else. I was a hair model for Vidal Sassoon. I had a date with a guy I met on the street. Seventh Avenue to be specific. I auditioned for a thing. Landed the thing. I killed a cockroach and its babies. I applied to be a dog walker.
I’m allergic to dogs.
Posted in Hangovers, Humor, Life, Random, Writing
Tagged babies, brooklyn book festival, cockroach, coffee, dogs, netflix, pigeons, REM, unemployment, vidal sassoon
I love Craigslist. It allows me to be so impulsive! Like yesterday, I took a break from job searching and ventured into Activities. By 5:30 I was in Harlem playing softball. Isn’t it wonderful?
And this wasn’t your average softball. This was some intense, playoff, CORPORATE AMERICA SOFTBALL.
Free advertisement. Orange accounts are pretty sweet.
My team was made up of people from HarperCollins, the NY Post, Fox News (I know, I know), and our opponents were ING. We lost. Those ING people play a mean slow-pitch.
I told my teammates about my unemployed status and one nice man took business card pity on me. So, I successfully networked via Craigslist. If that doesn’t deserve a sportsmanly bum slap, I don’t know what does.