Tag Archives: weddings

Four weddings and a quote about a funeral

It’s been an epic Labor Day weekend. Wedding Four of the summer was attended, thus concluding the Summer of Four Weddings.

From all this exposure to vows and receptions and DJs, I’ve concluded that I have no idea what kind of wedding I myself would have were I to have one. Unlike Jennifer Lopez in 2001’s The Wedding Planner, I didn’t spend my every waking moment as a child planning how I would get hitched to Matthew McConaughey. (I think it involved a Breyer horse ridden to a chapel and then a tiny woman being carried over the threshold of a doll house.)

In the lead up to Wedding Four, by accident or perhaps by no accident at all, I happened to be reading Dan Savage’s book about gay marriage and the overall institution of marriage, The Commitment. I initially picked it up because I was looking for inspiration to continue with my own book-writing, and I’ve always appreciated the no-nonsense style of Savage’s advice column. The subject matter of Savage’s book, as summed up in the subtitle, was a draw, too: “Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family.”

I didn’t know it for a while, but I’m a romantic. I eschewed serious romantic relationships for a long time, instead getting a sad vicarious fix from romantic comedies like, yeah, The Wedding Planner. I’ve since taken a long, hard look at myself and my fears and exactly what was prompting my plan to turn into a lonely reclusive cat woman and thankfully, I no longer have much use for Matthew McConaughey. (Note: I still plan to be a semi-reclusive cat woman, I’ve just nixed the lonely part.)

Back to Dan Savage. A signature viewpoint of his that he brings up in his column, podcast, and in this book, is that a relationship doesn’t need to necessary last for years and years for it to be deemed a success. Therefore, even if a marriage ends in painful divorce, it shouldn’t automatically be categorized as a failure. Likewise, he says it’s too bad that marriages are only deemed a success when “death do us part.”

Toward the end of one chapter, Savage shares a short excerpt from Ovid’s Metamorphoses about a couple who helps traveling-in-disguise gods Jupiter and Mercury. The couple is hospitable and in return they receive a favor. They redeem it by asking that neither of them outlive the other: “Since we have spent our happy years together, / May one hour take us both away.”

Savage writes, “That’s how I want to go–with Terry, not before him, neither of us outliving the other. Death is a perverse measure of success, as I said, and I don’t believe that someone has to die in order for a relationship to be considered a success. But I live in hope that when our time comes, after many more happy years together, we’re both taken to Maloney’s [Funeral Home] on the same day, at the same hour.”

You know that’s some serious romance because not only did Ovid write about it, but so did Nicholas effin’ Sparks in his book turned movie The Notebook. (Spoiler Alert:) James Garner and Gena Rowlands dead and HOLDING HANDS in a nursing home bed together–that scene alone provided months of vicarious romantic satisfaction.

Hmm. What’s my point. Weddings. Love. Family. If I’ve learned one thing this summer, it’s that I’m pro those things. Maybe not holding one of my own, but I’m at least pro attending weddings. And I’m pro family. They’re good fodder for books. And love! I’m so pro love that I leave you with a compilation of all four of the first dance songs I’ve experienced this summer in chronological wedding order:

A video that mistakes Fred Astaire for Frank Sinatra at one point:

Lyrics that truly encapsulate love: “Cause every time I see your bubbly face, / I get the tingles in a silly place”:

A video tribute to Carrie Underwood that features a country song, but not one of her own:

And finally, a wonderfully bizarre mix of random images paired with movie stills and posters from Titanic and Moulin Rouge:

A list that, in theory, should have 29 items, but only has 9.

Yesterday was my parents’ 29th wedding anniversary.  According to AnniversaryIdeas.com that means I should have given them…furniture.  Yup.  In honor of your nearly three decades–here’s an ottoman. 

I always forget about their anniversary.  Any reference to the occasion didn’t come up for at least 15 minutes into my conversation with my mom yesterday.  It went something like:

Me: So, it’s pretty rainy today.

Mom: Yeah.  It was a much prettier day 29 years ago when I got married.

In an attempt to attone for forgetting, I will now compile a list (Sesame Street style) of noteworthy things having to do with the number 29.  Here goes. 

  1. The age of my roommate’s new boyfriend.
  2. The number of suspected Somali pirates that Russia detained, as reported by CNN on April 29th.  That’s right.  Two 29s in one.
  3. An amendment to the NOAA’s Fishery Management Plan related to the Grouper and Tilefish Individual Fishing Quota (IFQ) Program in the Gulf of Mexico.
  4. The year in which Dick Clark was born.  (Though born is probably not the best word for it.)
  5. The amount of times you must enter into monogomous marriages in order to tie world record holder Glynn Wolf.

    This may or may not be a photo of Linda Essex, wife 29.

    This may or may not be a photo of Linda Essex, wife 29.

  6. A New York congressional district that this man represents.

    A New York congressional district that this man represents.

  7. The weeks it will take for your fetus to look like this.

    The weeks it will take for your fetus to look like this.

  8. A city I will likely never visit.


  9. A shopping mall in Boulder, CO with supposed job openings at Gymboree, LensCrafters, Mad Greens, Men’s Wearhouse, U.S. Bank, and Vitamin Shoppe. No word on relocation assistance.


Update on item eight on this list, 29 Palms, California, via UrbanDictionary.com:

“A place in the middle of nowhere California full of nothing but Marines, crackheads, Asians and desert rats (also known as ‘Cougars,’ ‘Desert Yetis’ and ‘That bitch that gave me the clap.’) Generally avoided by anyone that has any semblence of a life, and loathed by most that live there. Often subjected to high winds which will hopefully cover it in sand one day.

Person 1: “What the hell is that smell?”
Person 2: “That’s just Twentynine Palms.”

On that note, Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!!!!!!!