Tag Archives: milfs

Women in their midforties do it, and so can you!

Do you ever get so excited/moved/transformed by something you’re reading that you exclaim “Oh my God!” and have to stop to reflect?  Usually it happens when I’m on the subway.  I look up, full of awe, and make eye contact with whoever is there.  And I get really disappointed that people have no idea what I read to make me so excited.  I find myself looking at people and yearning for them to understand, or to be confused enough to ask me what happened.  People tend to be too engrossed with their iPod playlist or the Sports section, though.

Tonight the moment came after I read a passage in the book I just started, Your Sixth Sense: Activating Your Psychic Potential.  It’s by this woman Belleruth Naparstek who’s a psychotherapist.  She talks about how intuition and psychic “pops” have helped her be a more effective therapist.  She says that everyone has psychic potential, it’s just that it’s an undervalued ability in our culture and given a bad rep by 900 numbers and that coin-operated thing Tom Hanks uses in Big

Belleruth thinks that some people are “more wired than others.”  She interviewed 40 intuitives/psychics for the book.  I haven’t gotten to that part, yet, but she writes, “If I had to create a composite profile from my sample, I would find a woman in her midforties with an advanced degree in one of the mental health professions who would say she was born with her psychic ability and could likely point to a parent or grandparent who displayed a lot of it, too.”

That part didn’t excite me, it was the part that came right after.  Mostly because a lot of it sounded eerily familiar, and because some parts were just ridiculous:

Other typical features would be a tendency toward bilateral dominace (some degree of two-handedness or two-sidedness as opposed to leading strictly with the right or left side); a stronger-than-average likelihood of being an only child; the presence of some talent and experience in the arts, often in more than one modality (music, dance, art, theater, poetry, design, and so on); a tendency to be either a little dyslexic or else an exceptional student and sometimes both (with a greater-than-usual chance of having a photographic memory, too); lots of experience as a meditator; a powerful need to spend time alone and time in nature on a regular basis; a higher-than-average likelihood of finding broken watches, light bulbs, and small appliances in her proximity, at least at certain periods in her life; a tendency to experience phases of temporary endocrine system dysfunction, popping up and then subsiding, especially an over- or underfunctioning thyroid gland or set of adrenals; the tendency to be a night owl and sleep very little, with frequent interruptions in sleep; and a greater-than-average chance of having reported sighting a UFO or even encountering an extraterrestrial.

Yeah, these things can be attributed to lots of people, but it’s still exciting.  I’m ambidextrous, I’ve got the arts things, I have dyslexic moments, I stay up all night, I’m an annoyingly light sleeper, and I choose/like to spend the majority of my time alone.  I don’t recall ever seeing a UFO or encountering an extraterrestrial, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened or won’t happen.  I don’t know about the small appliance thing, but my coffee maker did break a couple months ago and I’ve been known to blow a fuse or two.  What else…  Oh!  You probably can’t call it “lots of experience” with meditating, but I did go to that cult’s meditation workshop.  And my endocrine system didn’t really kick in until, like, two years ago.

Anyway.  That’s all.  But since I’m sort of on the topic…I wish Patricia Arquette didn’t whine so much as Allison DuBois on NBC’s “Medium.”  I’ve only seen it twice, but she’s CONSTANTLY moaning to her husband.  It’s nice they have that whole support system going.  It just that…she could be such a strong female character and instead she looks and sounds like she’s always on the verge of bursting into tears.  Woman up, ya know?

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Unapologetically -ilfy things.

A few posts ago, I complained about a man I met who had been wearing an “I Heart Hot Moms” shirt.  I’ve been getting a lot of hits from the tag word “MILFs” ever since, which got me thinking about the moms who would be on my MILF list (if I had one).  The only -ilfy thing I ever did was join the “Danny Tanner is a DILF” Facebook group.  Something about Bob Saget being so unapologetically raunchy deserves respect.  Gumption is sexy.  I think that’s why Roseanne makes my hypothetical MILF list.  And Rosie O’Donnell.  My mom has no respect for Rosie because of her big mouth, but that’s the very reason I do.  Plus, the photo on her craft book is so good!  Look how beautiful her family is.  And what a punny title!

My MILF list is definitely a work in progress, but along with Roseanne and Rosie and each and every Golden Girl, it would have to include Jennifer Garner.  She makes the best romantic comedies.  And she’s married to Ben Affleck, who I also thought about putting on the MILF list, but perhaps he would be better on the already in progress BILF list (Bens I’d Like to Fuck):

Sir Ben Kingsly, Ben E. King, Benedict Arnold, and Benji

Sir Ben Kingsley, Ben E. King, Benedict Arnold, Benji. Obviously.

A Hot Mess of a Blog Post

So, I took 1970’s Love Story out of the library today because…I try not to admit this, but…sometimes I’m a girl.  I know, it’s crazy.   

Anyway, it just has me really depressed. Because first of all, it’s really dramatic. And also, Ryan O’Neal looks exactly like John McCain.  Not John McCain now, obviously, but this John McCain:

 

 

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I need to push John McCain out of my mind. Then again, it’s not like two blog posts ago was a poem about him or that he’s ended up in my dreams. I think he just really scares the shit out of me, so it’s better to let it out. No use being a repressed asshole.

I also took out Annie Hall. I’m just really in the mood for neurotic right now.  I know Woody Allen is kind of a crazy dude, but I really like him. Not in a sexual way, but in the same way I like pigeons.  

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve decided “Never Have I Ever” is the worst game ever.  I was at a party and this dude starts the bar at, “Never have I ever had sex on acid.”  What??  He proceeded to say that there was nothing else he hadn’t done.  He was wearing a shirt that said “I Heart Hot Moms.”  One of those crappy ones you get at Old Navy on clearance for $5, or you buy it at full price and you’re even more of an ass.  Anyway, I wanted to get angry so I asked him about his experiences with hot moms, he told me, and yeah.  Nothing wrong with being proud of yourself for getting laid, but…have some class.  This guy didn’t.  Plus there were only two girls at this party so the machismo was just way too much to handle.  Gay jokes were flying everywhere, you couldn’t say two words without someone yelling out “That’s what she said!”, and yeah.  I had to lash out at someone, so that was that.  Sometimes I feel like more of a man than the dudes I encounter.  Okay, most of the time.  Is that weird to say?  I don’t care.

Oh, Wristcutters: A Love Story is a really good movie.  It’s about suicide and the afterlife and what could be more romantic than that?  And Tom Waits is in it!  Bizarre.